Asexual
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i would love to know what equal rights you don't have being asexual
If you are someone who is reading to understand what an ace means, let me help you with that. Ace is the short for asexual individual. I am an asexual woman and I have used three major dating apps that have helped me find dates, friends, and different experiences.
As someone who is interested in having a love life, I used a few apps to understand how online dating works. My profile was simple. It showed how I look, what I am interested in, what my affiliations are and how I am. There were certain behavioral patterns that I noticed on dating apps. If I mentioned that I am an author, I got more matches. Mentioning my asexuality on bio often led to more messages and matches. However, these were often transphobic and misinformed comments. For instance, an individual studying medicine met me for a date and said, “These days, every girl is either bisexual, asexual, or pansexual. It’s a trend.” During our discussion which later turned futile, it turned out that he was fetishising the LGBTQIA+ community. He chose to ask if I was abused as a child which is very common question I hear from cis-het men on these apps.
I matched with some women and they preferred to google what asexuality is before swiping right on me. Luckily, I met few people from the community too and became friends. However, in my opinion, dating apps remain a field of allosexuals, mainly men who often swipe right without reading profiles in the hope of matches. I matched with few ace men who were eager to marry as soon as possible. For them, having an asexual mate matters rather than compatibility and connection. One fellow told me to stay in the closet to find a husband.
The A in the LGBTQIA+
The dating apps are the reflection of larger Indian society where folks are still unaware about asexuality. Many confused it with being intersex and trans and this unleashed the worst of transphobia on me — often by cis-het men who believed that all the labels are same and there is something wrong with being trans.
The dehumanisation of trans and intersex folks still remains an important issue for the community. I refused to clarify whether I am trans or not as I believed that there is nothing wrong with being trans or intersex. However, the obsessive questions, cyberbullying, and harassment made me block a few men for my safety.